


7 Letters.

by Fictropes



Series: Letters [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2020, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Norman - Freeform, it's set now so coronavirus is spoken about!, letter writing, talks about depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:47:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: Your penpal can be the person you live with, actually.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: Letters [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923043
Comments: 73
Kudos: 200





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the spacing is soemtimes a bit off here! goes from 2 spaces to 3 and idk why but i am going to fix it.. one day

1.

  
Phil Lester of the Howell-Lester Household,

You’re asleep right now, you’re sort of drooling. I wanted to take a photo for blackmail but have decided against it, and in return you have to not laugh at me in real life for doing this - reviving the dead art of letter writing. If you laugh at me I will sulk for at least two days, just fyi. Am I allowed to abbreviate in actual letters? Idk. 

I don’t know. 

  
We’ve been in quarantine for three weeks now? And this is now my new hobby, i’m very passionate about it. I’ve used a fancy arse pen, can you tell? You can probably tell - my left handedness is going to smudge it everywhere. I found a half book of stamps (who the fuck did we think we were when we brought a book of stamps?), and that was basically it for me, there are 7 and you know i’m not going to quit until they’re all used up.

I know I could literally just post this through the front door myself, but that isn’t the same. I’m using my daily legal walk to post you a goddamn letter, and you’d better swoon like in all the movies - consider me Mr Darcy from now ON. 

I can hear you snoring, that means you’ve rolled over onto your back and are probably gonna wake up in about ten minutes. Is it weird that I know that? Sometimes I feel like I know too many things, like more than I should. But then you know all those things about me, too. Does every other couple know everything like how we know everything? I like to be pretentious and pretend that we’re better, that we know more, that we love more, that we’re like Number One in the couples charts.  
  


Tbh we were once Number One in the couples charts, if you count the official top shipping polls on tumblr. 

Who do you think is number one now? Remember Johnlock… rip. 

I’m going to look. 

2019 Tumblr review: Good omens boys. I mean.. yeah, fair enough.  


We’re still number 6, though. I’d say that’s pretty reasonable, considering I made one video then launched myself into the void. I am having a nice time in the void, though. I’m glad you still enjoy making videos, that you’ve carved out this perfect little space for yourself on the Internet where you can make the content you want to make. I’m very proud, I feel like I fail to tell you that with actual words from my mouth

Fucking hell, why are we only one above Reylo. Disgustang. 

  
I think i’m going to be extra nice this morning and make you breakfast in bed, by that I mean i’m going to pour cereal in a bowl and make you some of that instant pleb coffee that you’ve decided to die on the cross for. I could make you such nice coffee Phil, I have such fancy beans. Hurts my heart that you dump Nescafe in a cup and call it a day - as mentioned earlier I am in a pretentious mood. 

This is weird, putting all your thoughts out onto a page. I’m so used to just going back and deleting anything I don’t like, and I know I could scribble but I don’t want to. I want you to see all the bullshit, so have fun with that. 

Do you think it’d be hard to fall in love purely in letter form? Imagine if Skype hadn’t existed, or the internet in general, do you think we’d still have fallen in love from a few letters a week (maybe a raunchy little polaroid attached). I think we probably would’ve, I think we could’ve fallen in love writing out some two worded messages in Alphabetti Spaghetti.

Christ, apparently writing turns me into a huge massive sap. It sort of just flows out of you. My mind is all I love Phil and my hand is like oh we agree, we’re turning that into letters now just for him. 

I’m glad, though, that I can say whatever to you and not feel.. stupid. Like I know you’ll laugh at this, probably, but not in a Dan is stupid way but in a oh i’m so fond of that idiot boy with the dimple way. Because you’re very fond of me, and it took me a while to accept that, didn’t it? Now I know with 100% certainty that you love me just as much as I love you, and isn’t that just that very grownup of me. 

Writing sort of hurts your hand when you’re not used to it. How did I do so much writing it school, fucking hell. Cramp central over here in the kitchen. 

Speaking of cramp, how’s your arsecheek? We should never ever try that position again, huh? Forgot how old you’re getting, you’re not nimble like me. 

I can hear you moving. You just swore cos you whacked your glasses onto the floor instead of picking them up. You do that a lot - have you considered getting a fancy chain to wear them on?  
  


Are you wondering where I am? You’re usually up before me. I just couldn’t sleep, no particular reason why. I think I fell asleep weirdly early and my brain was like hello? are we ever going to see sunlight again? I had to go satisfy it by sitting on the balcony. There’s an intense looking pigeon here.  
  


You’re definitely moving now. Fuck. I was making you breakfast, wasn’t I? I haven’t even boiled the kettle. Stay there, if we actually do share a brain this is your one chance to prove it and you’ll fucking stay in there whilst I be a good boyfriend. 

Anyway. I guess this is goodbye, from me and my intense hand cramp. I’ll send this later whilst you’re having one of your indulgent four hour long showers with MY bodywash.  
  
You are a thief.  
  
Love,  
  
Daniel. 

x

_2._

_Hand Towel,_

_The post box is exactly fifty steps from our apartment - there and back. I counted when I sent this. If that’s your legal daily one hour walk then can I just ask you how slowly you’re walking?_

_You literally legged it out of the living room when you saw I had your letter in my hand, obviously didn’t want to witness me reading it. Cute. You’re cute and stupid and my idiot dimple boy. I will be honest it was the last thing I expected, but you always are a surprise.  
  
_

_I know you said we know everything, and I think we know a lot, but you still do so many things that catch me off guard, you know? Or I find something i’d somehow never noticed before, something small that i’ve missed whilst being so wrapped up in the bigness of you._

_There’s still so much to uncover and I love it, I love that we still get to know each other a little bit more every single day. I love that I know I have an entire life time to uncover all of you, i’m in no rush._

_The other day I noticed you had a little freckle just behind your knee, and I wanted to kiss it so badly.  
  
_

_But then I also got paranoid cos i’d never seen it before and I wanted to send you to A &E to get it checked out - you told me I was a tit and that it had always been there.  
  
_

_So I am back to loving the freckle and wanting to kiss it._

_Does 7 stamps mean 3.5 letters each? I feel like we’ve barely got any pens in this house, we might have to stock up if we’re going to really go for it. I’ve already had to shake this one to try and get some ink out. I already know you would throw a little bit of a tantrum if I typed one upinstead and stuck it in an envelope. You are fully inthis for the authentic love letter experience, and I guess i’ll let you have it._

_Number six is fine, but if we ever drop behind Reylo then we have to post an instagram story of us making out with the internet is here playing in the background._

_I don’t know how i’m responding to this, it’s in no order so whatever. I am just going with the flow - also yes my hand is rejecting this.  
  
_

_I_ _’m glad you know that now, that you’re the literal love of my life. I hope you know I was never angry or upset with you, I knew you just had to work some stuff out in your own time. But now your eyes light up in an extra special way whenever I tell you I love you, because you know I mean it with my entire heart._

_Honestly I was screwed the minute I saw that rosy patch over a shitty quality Skype connection._

_It does turn you into a sap, you’re right. Maybe all those 18th century people were onto something, or they just didn’t have twitter (I will accept a raunchy Polaroid now, though).  
  
_

_I’m writing this whilst you’re playing Guild Wars, you’ve been up there for like an hour now so I think i’m safe and you’re fully immersed.  
  
_

_You know i’m proud of you too, yeah? You stepped away from something that wasn’t working for you personally, even though it was financially, and that’s a brave thing to do. You look so at peace lately, with your projects. You realised you don’t have to please everybody all of the time and that’s a good thing, a very grownup thing._

_Also. Shutup. I’m not a gymnast, I don’t even know where you found out about that position and at this point i’m too afraid to ask._

_The pigeon is called Steve, you fiend. Tell him he’s welcome and give him some seeds. He’s very gentle, he might live here now._

_I did get the breakfast in bed! That means we do share a brain. Is it my turn with the one braincell today? I think so, i don’t usually know this many words._

_If I finish it before you’re done I might go out and send it, then I might walk down to Tesco with my facemask and my hand sanitiser and buy us some wine. I think we’ve had all the alcohol in the apartment since this started, I think that’s how I ended up with arsecheek cramp. We should stop trying dangerous things whilst we’re both off our tits._

_Or I might actually avoid the shops altogether, post box is fine but shops are still too crowded and I think I might still be a bit too anxious for that. I might order us dominos instead, they do alcohol? I think. Not wine. Beer. I could drink beer, if I had to.  
  
_

_It’s gross, though. I think everyone who claims to like it is lying to fit in.  
  
_

_I might come up and see if you want dominos, or if you want to cook something together. I feel like we should take up baking like everyone else, but then that seems like so much effort when I can just buy a literal loaf of bread. We’re lazy, I should’ve taken that into account when I suggested the baking - we are not taking up baking.  
  
_

_You do want dominos, you also gave me a soft little kiss before I went back downstairs and it’s been 11 years but my heart still goes a little bit insane. You said don’t order beer, you’ve got a bottle of something hidden away for special occasions that we can crack into. I wish I knew where that secret place was, I bet there’s also Marshmallows and Haribos in there. :(.  
  
_

_Can you do smileys in letters?_

_:)._

_Yes. Yes. I am declaring it._

_Love you,  
  
Phil. _

_p.syou’re the thief, you stole my heart._

3\. 

Lil Pester, 

My turn for our one collective braincell, welcome back i’ve missed you. <3

Just for the p.s I have shoved an entire bag of Haribo’s into this envelope, it was a bit of a struggle but I think you deserve them for making me get a bit teary. 

Do you remember when we used to send each other long sappy texts when we couldn't see each other in person all the time like we do now? That’s what this feels like, but I get the added benefit of getting to go upstairs after I’ve finished to kiss you (and other things).

I forget how to respond to letters, too. Like do I address your every point, or do I just start a whole new thing? I’ll probably just respond to direct questions, and stupid things. 

Like we are NOT making out to the internet is here. 

And alright i’ll welcome Steve.  
  


Also you’re right. Yes I do have sweets hidden away, as you can tell by the contents of this letter. You eat them all too quickly and then whine when you have none left. That’s fine when the world literally isn’t on fire, but right now you can’t quickly pop off to the shops to get some so i’m doing this for your own good. Actually. 

I think you’re right, I think we do still have so much to learn and I like that. I like that we both know we have all the time in the world to do so. I’ve never been certain of much, but I am certain that i’ll spend the rest of my life with you.  
  


Lmao that sounded like actual wedding vows.  
  


That wasn’t a hint, you don’t have to propose.

My rosy patch was nothing compared to the brightness of your eyes. I was so gone, fallen straight down into a black hole of I love Phil and no one else will ever do it for me. 

I think I properly fell in love when you got your dick out, tho. :/ 

Smileys are allowed, I agree. Emojis might be a bit too next level for us to write on paper. 

Is it weird that i’m glad I have more time to work on my project? Like I could’ve gotten it out before all this happened, but I don’t know if I would’ve been 100% on board with how it turned out. There was still stuff I wanted to perfect. Now I feel like I’m completely there with it, like i’ve poured my actual soul into it and it’s exactly what I want it to be. Obviously you’re going to have to check it over first before it makes it’s debut, Mr Editing Tips. 

Like I HATE that the world is like this, obviously, and I feel sort of selfish that I enjoy the time it’s given me to just.. pause. Like the usual guilt of not doing something isn’t there, because I don’t have to be doing something.

I’m going to donate some money to help out something, i’m not sure what yet. I’m googling to find out what’ll be best. We have the luxury of not worrying, whilst I know there are so many people who don’t. I can’t believe our prime minister is that fucking man right now, of all the people to have in charge during an actual pandemic. 

My next project is personally knocking one everyones door and getting them to vote.  
  


I’m going off on a tangent, I can rant even in letter form. I’m so talented. 

Also I beg you to stop trying to catch that fucking fish on animal crossing, it’s genuinely making me sad watching you. At least let me try, maybe i’ll have the magic touch. It’ll still count if I get it, Norman is our collective responsibly after all. I can’t believe we’re actually fish dads. 

You can’t blame the alcohol for your arse cramp, that was you and your refusal to ever do yoga with me. You could start now you know, after you get this letter. I have an extra mat to roll out. You might enjoy it.  
  


You know you still do that to me as well, right? Like the other day you walked into the front room wearing something of mine, I think you just shoved it on after a shower because we’ve been lazy doing washing lately - like where are we going to go? And I swear to god I lost my actual mind, my head was just screaming Mine, Mine, Mine. 

And I know that sounds possessive, and it like is on paper. But I don’t even mean it in a way where I think I own you? I just mean it in a way where I know we’re both.. each others. It’s equal, isn’t it? We both feel the exact same way. You own my heart, is what I think i’m trying to say. 

You’re on Zoom to your mum right now, I can hear you giggling all the way down here. I popped in and said hi but I knew you needed a little bit of time alone with her. I know it’s so shit for you right now not even having the option to see them in person, around now you would’ve been flying out and getting irl hugs. I promise once the world is a bit more normal it’s the first thing we’ll do. 

I love your family, they’ve always made me feel so welcome and accepted and I can act like myself around them, like my proper true self. I have actually overtaken you on the son ranking, something to do with my dimples? Idk. I’m just cute, mate.

So, basically, i’m coming to see them as soon as I can, too. Kath may be a shit cook, but she can bake for England. 

I think you’ll be a while yet, I think Martyn is next on your list of conversation. I’m gonna text you to tell him I said hi - i’m going to go out and post this. Hopefully the haribos don’t like melt in this weather, if so i’m sorry for the ball of stickiness you’re about to receive.  
  


You are used to sticky balls though, I suppose. 

Love you,  
  
Dan. 

x  


p.s I will consider the raunchy polaroid. 

4\. 

_Dan,_

_The haribos were a dream, and not in-fact just a sticky ball. Also I don’t know what you’re trying to say about who here. Do I have sticky balls? Do you? I personally think neither of us. Imagine if they were, like imagine if ours balls had velcro on them and we stuck together every time we tried to have sex._

_The other things are very, very much welcomed and appreciated. Every time you used to have to leave to go home it was like a part of me was leaving too, running behind you to jump on the train. I hated it, actually. I hated never knowing when was going to be the next time. A month? Three? More?  
  
_

_Now I think the longest I could go without you is maybe.. five days, a week if I slept for at least two whole days without waking up. I know people joke about us being ridiculously co-dependantbut.. yeah.  
  
_

_And what, though? Why should we not be? We’re allowed._

_Like I have too many things I need to tell you all the time, am I supposed to just keep them bottled up so I can look cool? So I can look like I don’t want you as much as I do? Boring. Straight people antics._

_I just want to include a little review here:  
  
Location: Our bedroom._

_Time: 10:55pm.  
Rating?: 5/5. 10/10. etc. _

_Title: Daniel Howell and his lack of gag reflex.  
  
I wasn’t expecting it, I think i’d forgotten you could even do it. It’s like you bring it out every once in a while so I react like a horny little goblin. You don’t want me to get used to it because maybe then i’d stop making those noises. You and your fucking mouth. And you suck me off all the time, oral fixation, general love of my dick. But you control it, you use your hand and very rarely just your mouth. Then every once in a while you’ll sink all the way down, until your nose hits my skin and I just short circuit. Every single thought revolves around you and your fucking mouth.  
  
Phil Lester - experiencer of this.  
  
_

_A_ _nyway, i’m a bit horny, can you tell? I think you sucked out any logical, thinking part of my brain last night and left me only with the sexy parts. Maybe that’s because you want me to propose, idk though._

_Steve says thankyou, he informed me he enjoys your company and can see why I picked you for a mate._

_I literally can’t stop thinking about sex, how awful. It’s because you stripped in front of me like five minutes ago before getting dressed for your run. I need to go take a shower, a cold one. Brb.  
  
_

_Back._

_It’s not weird. You’ve always put a lot of pressure on yourself, and I bet you feel so much lighter without it. You work hard, Dan, you put your all into everything and it always takes a lot out of you. It’s good that you get to just be for a little while, work at your own pace. I think you’re enjoying working a lot more right now knowing there isn’t a deadline._

_L_ _et me know what charity you go for, i’ll go for it, too.  
  
_

_I mean we have a joint bank account, but you know what I mean.  
  
_

_You’re very talented, for a rat._

_I’ll consider the yoga, maybe. I just don’t know if i’m built to bend quite like that, I might have to put some oil on my joints first and go from there._

_I will NOT consider the fish thing, I have to catch the fish cos otherwise I would’ve spent all these hours for nothing.  
  
_

_My mum does love you, she tells me all the time to tell you. I think she sees how happy you make me, then just how you are in general.. it’s hard not to love you, you know. I think she knew before we did what this was going to be, how it was going to go. From the first day she saw us in the kitchen together, arguing over instant coffee vs your fancy beans. Can’t believe you were arguing with me like that over coffee even at 18. Especially considering your absolute need to always going to Starbucks. Hypocrite much?_

_  
Martyn definitely sees himself as a bit of an older brother to you as well, you know. I see him giving you advice sometimes and it makes me laugh._

_I think we just have to live the best we can right now, get used to it because who knows what’s going to happen next. I’ll see my parents when I can, and that’s all I can say. I just consider myself lucky that I get to talk to them as much as I do, that they’re ok._

_I’m glad you’re the one I get to live with through this, I honestly think i’d be feeling a lot different it you weren’t here with me._

_I think you’re going to be back from your run soon. You seemed so happy when you found a lowkey secret route where barely anyone ever walks. I’m happy for you, too. Exercise suits you - I mean, the smile once you’re done does. I’m glad you found something for yourself.  
  
_

_I think my hand is getting used to this whole writing thing now. What have we got left? Oh just one letter each :(? I might have muscles in my thumb by the time we’re done. Prepare for the ultimate_ _thumbwar, our very own Dan VS Phil._

_Oh, the door just went. You’re going to come upstairs looking all sweaty and i’m gross so that’s going to turn me on a bit. I’ll send this once you’re in the shower. I don’t even know why we’re trying to hide it anymore, it’s obvious where we’re going and what we’re doing. It feels weird to mention it in real life though, doesn’t it? Where do you keep yours? Mine are in my bedside table drawer.  
  
_

_Love you always,  
  
Phil._

_x_

5\. 

Phil, 

This is going to be a bit different, isn’t it? I think you already know that, cos i’ve been different the past few days. 

I think in the past when i’ve been like this people have always been so determined to snap me out of it because they feel uncomfortable, because they want to feel better about being around me. Less awkward, which is.. fair enough. I’m not saying they’re bad people, just that you’re different. 

I know your own comfort is the last thing on your mind, though, honestly sometimes I think you forget you even exist when I’m like this. I wish you didn’t, you still need to take care of yourself, dumbo.

You try to ‘snap me out of it’ because you hate knowing how it makes me feel, it’s all about me and I feel guilty for that. And that’s the depression talking, because I know you’d never ever begrudge me for how I am when this dark cloud comes over me, but I still feel a bit guilty when you try your hardest to cheer me up and I still don’t just instantly ping back to feeling better. But I know you aren’t expecting me to ‘ping’ back to feeling better, god, I don’t know. I just feel shitty sometimes for it all being about me, but that’s what it does.

You keep looking at me out of the corner of your eye, like you’re plotting things to do to make me smile even if it’s only for a second. You know you don’t have to, right? Just you being there is enough. You never leave, and that means more to me than anything else you could ever do.  
  


Well, you do leave, but only when you know I need my own space for a little while. That’s different. That’s.. you get it. You understand me completely and I never imagined as a kid that I'd have that, have that person who just gets it.  


Have that person who communicates and all that other good stuff. 

I meant it when I said you were my soulmate, even if that’s a concept I spent so long not believing in.  
  


You changed a lot of my beliefs, I think. Obviously in a good way. 

You’ve fallen asleep on the sofa and i’m making us dinner in silent thanks, even though I know you’d say I don’t need thanking. But I like to, you know.  
  


It’s easier to write this all down, like a stream of consciousness. Speaking gives you too much time to think sometimes, but putting pen to paper feels different to me.  
  


I’ll be sort of sad when the stamps run out, maybe we should buy another book and this can be our new thing. We’ll be letter people - I keep mine in a hoodie pocket hung up in my wardrobe. There’s lube in my bedside table drawer and i’m too scared one day it’ll spontaneously leak and ruin them all lmao. 

This is a wave that came out of nowhere, by the way. At least I can’t find a root cause, maybe just the world in general. It’ll fade - I think. I hope. I just have to do what therapy has taught me, hence all the running. I’m not drowning yet, I can still swim my way back up. 

Well, well, well. What a wild turn of events.

If anyone ever asked me what i’d be doing during a global pandemic this would’ve been quite honestly the last thing I'd ever say.

I started this letter three days ago and.. I never thought my biggest cheer up would be rescuing a LITERAL PIGEON. What the fuck Phil, you’re like a real life Disney princess.  
  


Also when you go back to edit that footage, you’ll see I filmed your feet a lot - no, I am not going to comment on why. 

I wonder if Steve will follow us when we move house? Imagine.  
  


I’ll find you in any world, and now so will a London Pigeon. 

I’m so proud of you? Is that weird. Like I want to get you a certificate, or some shit. You called people, and you made appointments.  
  


Steve is going to be ok! What a hero, what a legend. 

Also scraggy might have some babies, I defo saw some more action this morning whilst you were making breakfast. I should probably stop watching pigeon sex, should definitely never again film pigeon sex.

I do wonder where their nest is though, I sort of want to see some tiny little pigeons. I feel like we should definitely name one of them Phil, like an honorary thing. You made it all possible. 

I don’t know whether to wake you up now or go and post this first, you look very content and like a big sleepy boy. Pigeon rescuing really took it out of you. 

Might film your feet whilst you’re napping, m8 - again, I still have no comment.

Did you know there’s a foot rating website? Idk if you’re like officially on it, but I feel like you might be after you watch this footage (haha FOOTage) and realise you literally have to put your feet in the video or cut out important info. I am so sorry. 

Also, can you like not reply reply to this letter. As in start a new subject. Anything. Steve is still on the cards though, he can always be discussed. I just wanted to get all of that of my chest, and I want you to know I feel a lot better now. You can probably tell that already, though, my laugh was in the background a lot during filming. 

My wrist muscles are definitely feeling it, I think I could break your hand clean off if you ever suggest a thumb war ever again - don’t say I haven’t warned you. 

Love you,

Dan. 

x

p.s. thanks for that glowing review, could you possibly put it on trip advisor? Ty ty. 

_6._

_Mr Daniel Howell,_

_I’ve been thinking._

_Dangerous, I know._

_We were joking about Steve following us to a new place, but don’t you actually think we should get a new place?  
  
_

_Renting is a rip off, and I am sick to death of living on a road with 30000000000000 police sirens going off daily. Also I think we showed too much in the pigeon video._

_Just a thought. It was always going to happen, a forever home. Maybe now is the right time. We’re old, let’s get a mortgage._

_I think you’re back on Guild wars. I’m playing Animal Crossing, i’m still trying to catch that fish! It’s literally elusive, I might have to somehow put Norman into the game. Do you think he’d fit into the little game slot? I don’t, but the idea is lingering._

_I will need you to physically take this game away from me soon, I think my actual hands are turning into little fishing rods._

_The fishing noise is playing on repeat on my mind. If I get one more sea bass I might cry. I don’t care, I can’t read that message anymore. I can’t do it._

_I’m turning it off. Goodbye Mr Nook._

_My hands feel like claws now, good luck reading this style of handwriting._

_This is my last letter!!!!! I feel like we need to buy more stamps, cos I’ll kinda miss writing down every stupid thought I have and then watching you practically sprint to the door to see if my new one has arrived yet.  
  
I’m actually just obsessed with watching you. I look at you everyday and i’m like oh he is pretty. _

_Eleven years. Same thought. Head empty, only Dan pretty._

_How stalkery, I hope no one else ever winds up reading these. I know i’ll keep them forever, though, read them whenever you’re away.  
_

_The world is a little bit back to normal now, but I still don’t think it should be. I’m still perfectly content to lock myself up at home with you for a while longer.  
  
_

_I keep seeing people on Instagram going on actual holidays, and I want to leave a comment but arguing online isn’t fun. I don’t get it, though, like why are you going on holiday, and why are so many people at your house when I don’t even wanna go to Tesco!  
_

_Please think of other people for once in your life?_

_Whatever. I need to stop looking at instagram. It’s making me confrontational. Like I wanna fist fight._

_Speaking of tesco we need to do another online order, we are running dangerously low on…everything. Or we can brave the actual store as long as we have a stick to hit other people with._

_It’s been many months (i truly don’t know how many, time is no longer real) and we still haven’t baked any bread, but we have saved a pigeon and you have single handily revived a dead art._

_Even if it’s literally just for the two of us.  
  
_

_I’m glad we spaced these out, waiting for the post every day was actually exciting and I don’t know if i’d have coped if we’d run out of stamps like after 2 weeks. Part of me wants to go out and buy more, but part of me feels like this 7 is what is was always supposed to be? Like we’ve said all that needed to be said on paper._

_I feel like I should sign off in true love letter form.  
  
Like tell you how much I love you and have since day one. How I sometimes don’t say it enough in real life, but you really are it for me.  
  
How you make my heart beat too quickly, and how it makes me ache when you’re away for a few days, how I always want to be touching you in someway just to confirm that you’re next to me.  
_

_How I could never imagine my life without you in it, how I want everything with you forever, how I am looking at houses right now and hoping you’ll like one of them._

_  
I hope you know all that already, I hope I make you feel as loved as you make me feel. I think I do, cos I try every day to make sure._

_I’m going to get better at telling you all this stuff in words. I need more dimple viewing._

_I’m going to walk very, very slowly to the postbox now. And you’re going to hear the front door shutting and know where i’m going. And you’re going to check the front door for this letter tomorrow even though it’s 7pm now and you know the last pickup for the post was 5pm. It’s a first class stamp, it isn’t magic.  
  
You’ll get it on Thursday and you’ll be happy about it, ok?_

_Love from,  
  
Phil. _

_x_

_p.s. also I am maybe looking at dogs._

_  
_  


7\. 

Mr Phil Lester _,_

Firstly, please don’t try and feed Norman to your Nintendo Switch. 

Secondly _, o_ bviously.

Obviously we should get a forever home and we should maybe try to take Steve, but he is a wild pigeon and idk if he’ll actually listen to us in regards to relocating.

But we definitely should get a dog and do all of those things. 

I love you, that’s it. 

I just love you and I don’t know how else to express it. 

It’s been eleven years and it’s never once faded, never felt anything less than huge and overwhelming in the best way possible. 

So. Yes. 

My last letter is just to tell you yes, we should get a mortgage. 

We’re not old though, shutup.  
  
Love,  
  
Daniel. 

p.s. please find attached one raunchy polaroid. 


	2. + 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i had this in my head too much to not add an extra letter.

8.

Phi leep, 

Idk why but I thought it was fitting the first piece of mail we get for us, in our new house, is from.. me. I went out and purchased another stamp book cos I felt too awkward asking for justone stamp (can you even do that now? The fear kept me from asking) so if we need some to like send out wedding invites.. 

Cos we’re engaged now, that’s a thing!

  
  
You know that, you asked me. Can you remember, tho? I’ll just remind you here. You asked me to marry you and I said yes and now we are getting married. That’s how that works, you can’t get married before you get engaged, you see. It has to go in the right order.

I still wake up and just stare at it every morning like a weirdo, like if I don’t it’ll have vanished even though rings do not have legs and can’t run away in the night. 

I think I sort of saw it coming, but also not at all. You were all nervous and jittery and kept constantly checking your coat pocket, like you were making sure your phone was still there even though you’re a nightmare and usually don’t give a shit if it ends up left in like the middle of.. the river thames. Or something. 

Don’t throw your phone in the river, no matter how tempting the call of the void might be. 

Anyway, back to the ring thing, I think I knew. I’d never seen you so jumpy and wide eyed and like your were holding something completely precious. 

Tell a lie, I’ve seen you like that before - the first time you held me (then every time since). 

Ugh. Again. What is it about pen and paper? Turns me into a pile of I Love Phil. 

  
  
You chose well, by the way. It’s almost like you know me and what I like.

We’ve not started wedding planning, cos obvs.. the world. I think we’re content to just bask in it, in the promise of forever rather than the .. signed papers of forever. Remember that sims video when you were all anti marriage?

I think you’re trying to pack up the ‘amazingphil’ bedroom. I know you’re trying to bring an entire chest worth of shit and i’ll have to go up soon to supervise you, if that pickle comes anywhere near our new house i’m making you live in the garden.

Speaking of gardens, we can totally get that dog. Not to say i’m prioritising but….. Dog > Marriage. (I still love the ring though, it’s mine, not having it back, superglued to my finger, doesn’t have legs etc.)

I’ve been looking at shelters around London, some truly good boys out there. Part of me thinks we’ll go in for one and walk out with like five because you’re a sucker for big soft eyes. I won’t mind, though, i’ll probs pout about me getting 5x less attention.. and give you the job of picking up all the garden shit. But deep down i’ll love it. 

It feels weird to be going somewhere with a garden, and floor that are actual floors and not weird half things like in here. We’ll have so much space, but i’m not going to let you fill it with stuff from Wish. Packing up this place has been fucking terrifying, sometimes i’ll reach into a cupboard and pull out something i’m sure is your secret dildo and it’ll be something very alike to that stupid stress mushroom that i’m still sure you’re hoarding away somewhere. It fully burst, Phil. If you still have it at the time of reading this i’m going to give you one last chance to get rid of it.Bury it at the bottom of our new garden, if you must, give it the send off you think it deserves. Just never let me see it again<3\. 

We’ll probablyhave to start driving, you know. I know it’s not the countryside but it’s not London. I call the job of doing most of it, we’ll end up in a tree with you.. like the whomping willow. 

I think we’re a proper stupid love story, don’t you? Like something that’s almostunbelievable in how it happed. But it has happened, and we’re.. stupid. We’re always stupid. In general, for each other. It’s been ten years and your eyes still light up whenever I walk into a room, did you know that? They go all bright and crinkly and I always think yeah.. yeah he’s properly in love in a way that I understand, cos I'm properly in love in the same way.

Sometimes I wanna put a video together of us staring at each other and just play hungry eyes over the top of it, do you think that could be our official wedding video? I do. 

Ha. I do. Practice. 

(He says, like he hasn’t been saying it in the mirror every morning since you proposed.)

Crap. I can hear you crashing about now, that means you’ve given up going through it one by one and have just tipped the entire thing over. The floor is going to be chaos and when I come up there you’re going to defend each and every item, tell me why it’s vital - why you need 7 capes and 5 sets of animal ears (wannabe furry much). 

I should come up stairs with a binbag and a threatening look on my face, but I know i’m too .. enamoured, too gone for you, too stupid. Too in love, to whatever, to actually make you throw anymore than the stuff that’s literally broken away. We’ll have a walk in closet purely for capes and anime outfits, the millennial dream - i’m sure. 

I need to find a new place to put these letters, part of me wants a magical floorboard that'll lift up and I can hide all my secrets in. So. I call any magical floorboards in the new house. 

You’re calling me. I should go see what destruction you’ve caused - we are NEVER getting the security deposit back. 

  
  
Love you, 

Soon to be Daniel Howell-Lester (Daniel Lester?). 

x 

p.s i have come back down and, as predicted, nothing is in the bin-bag. 


	3. 2021

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i can't let go of this series.....

_ 2021 _

9.

To the Phil who is not in my house, 

You’re on the Isle of Man, without me… which should be illegal, but whatever. I get it. I’ll just sit here with my abandonment issues and think about how every time I hear the gate shut it’s you. I’ll run to the door like a puppy and be well upset when it’s just the post. 

Kidding (mostly). I hope you’re having a nice time, i’ve just decided this is sort of our thing now. My book is NEARLY there, I capitalise the nearly because I think if I do then it’ll mean it’s true. I keep dabbling over final details, keep wondering if it’s good enough to release out into the world. I wonder if the sea breeze would’ve helped, should’ve come along with you— but then your whole family is too much of a distraction. Can’t say no to board games, you know? 

It’s good that I stayed here, but I miss you bringing me copious amounts of coffee and enough sugar to fuel a fucking elephant for six years. I think i’d forgotten what it was like to not be buzzed, I feel like i’m deflating. You’re going to come back to a Dan skin suit, just on a puddle on the floor, you can wear me if you want ;). 

Tell everyone I said hi, even though I know you already told them I said hi. Even though I already know they all said hi back cos you text me and told me, but I think letter form makes it more official. I really, really wish i’d have come now— fuck. What a vibe, actually, writing in front of an open window with the sight of the cliffs and shit. Phil, why didn’t you talk me into this? Why did you not realise my fancy author dreams before I did literally two seconds ago. What’s the point of having someone who reads your mind if they can’t preempt your mind. 

Whatever. Guess i’m stuck in our house with Norman staring at me like i’m a tall giant freak. I love this house but it still feels wrong without you in it. You know this is the first time i’ve been alone here overnight? Feel like I should’ve gotten you to scan for ghosts who wanna eat my feet, or men who wanna stab me with their toenails in the night.. wait, you’re not here.. should be safe on that front. 

I promise i’m not spiralling, i’m just going round in circles a little bit and you’re not here to stop me from getting dizzy. Which is a selfish thing to say cos you’re away having fun with your family, and that’s like actually wonderful and you should be doing that! I’m just being a dramatic baby who forgot what it was like to not have you here. You know i’m just being stupid, yeah? you’re used to this, to eleven years of me being like hello where is Phil even though I know where you are cos I said goodbye to you as you left. 

These weirdly help, you know. Like I am excited for you to get this and for you to reply and it feels more fun than just getting a text, knowing i’m forcing you to sit down and write out all your feelings.. long-form. We should’ve pegged onto this years ago, it would’ve saved my multiple twitter tantrums. Isn’t it literally fucking insane of me to let everyone know you’re gone, like I can’t even help it. My brain says no phil? well then >:(. Very silly that people think we’re co-dependent, wherever did they get that idea. 

Are you having fun? I really hope you’re having fun. I think you deserve it, all the long walks in cute bobble hats even tho it’s May. I just think you should send me a cute photo of you in a bobble hat because we missed that last winter and i’m kinda pining for you looking all cozied up. Not that i’m complaining too much, I got to personally cozy you up and that was like..very enjoyable. 

I’m a little bit procrastinating now, I said i’d give myself twenty minutes to write this and it’s been like forty and I still think I should add just a little bit more. 

I just heard a creek upstairs and now i’m shitting myself.

Oh. Don’t worry. It was just our furry menace trying to get into his treat drawer. I dunno why you insisted on teaching him exactly where it is and how to potentially get inside if he tries hard enough, he’s literally you in dog form. You think if you stand and whine in front of a cupboard for long enough that i’ll give you sweets. 

Ugh. Fine. I will go back to my book, I'll write the things I have to write even though you’re not here to pat my head and call me a good boy. 

I put a stamp in your suitcase, so you have to reply to this. 

Love,

the Dan who is in the house. 

  
  


10.

_ Dan,  _

_ You’re so dramatic, has anyone ever told you that? But so am I cos I miss you and it’s been like barely a week, it really does feel weird to not have you right next to me. My mum was actually a bit shocked when I turned up by myself, thought you were going to change your mind at the last minute cos “god you and that man of yours may as well be magnets” whatever that means.  _

_ Is our actual puppy going to the door? You’ll have to tell me when I get home, feel like you’ll get this letter too late to write back. Want me to stay away longer so you can keep writing your love letters, so you can feel like you’re in a movie? Have you started dressing up to write these? Stuck some mutton chops to your face and put on a cravat? I think you’d pull that off which means i’m in Love cos no one can pull off mutton chops.  _

_ Anyway, back to my original question. Puppy. I have been teaching him to answer the door, which I think he’s fully capable of. When he grows up and is a bit taller. When we’re being lazy and are in bed, he can tot along and get my parcel full of good things cos I only ever order good things. It’s a work in progress but i’m like fully confident that he’s got a higher IQ than you.  _

_ You know your book is going to be amazing, yeah? Properly the best thing i’ve ever read sort of amazing. I know this is something that should come from me, cos i’m your husband, but I mean it. I’m not saying it just because it’s you, i’m saying it because it is. I’m really, really proud of you. I know you’re going to stare and stare until you find something wrong with it but this is me telling you to send it off, close your laptop and accept that it is what it is— and what it is is something you should be incredibly proud of doing.  _

_ But I think I should get all the credit for the coffee and sweets bringing, actually. I guess I can include you in a footnote.. maybe? But I can’t wait for my new book to come out this year, that I wrote (ft dan who just happened to exist near the laptop I put the sweets and coffee next to). _

_ I would love to wear you, but you might be a bit baggy given the extra few inches you have on me. I’ll never forgive you for that, I was supposed to be the tall one.  _

_ Everyone said hi, very loudly and fondly cos you’re like probably the favourite son now cos you’re all handsome and funny and ..I don’t get it personally. But ok. They have very much insisted that you come along next time, my mum is already planning a celebration cake that looks like a book (apart from I didn’t tell you that cos it’s a surprise).  _

_ Hope you’re used to me missing you even though I don’t quite show it on twitter, but i’m sure if you look at my backlog of 10000000 texts it’s obvious. I think they think you’re the needy one, but I have it down to a fine-art by being directly needy, as opposed to needy in public. I’ve gotten away with it all these years due to always taking the one braincell away on holiday with me. Just sit down before you feel too dizzy, watch one of my videos :) <3 (with the ads on please, this forever home stuff is a bit expensive).  _

_ I’m having fun, yeah. I didn’t actually bring a hat with me due to it being summer and all, you should’ve filed all your Phil needs before I left. There’s an official form on the fridge, didn’t you know? It covers what you want Phil to wear, how many times Phil can text you a day, can Phil initiate phone sex or will you get nervous because you know i’m sharing the same space as my parents? Etc.  _

_ I’m going to say you spent ninety minutes on this, tell me if i’m right later. My reward for being correct should be the sweet cupboard.  _

_ Love you. Miss you (we can be co-dependant if we want, show me the laws against it). _

_ I’ve actually booked out the airport the day I come home, only i can fly back into it and only you can come to arrivals. Just thought you might want to keep up your dramatic b*tch thing, you can spot me from behind the luggage belt thingy and run over and kiss me. You’re welcome. _

_ the Phil who will be back in the house soon _

_ x _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [if u wanna reblog this chap on tumblr!I always appreciate it :) ](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/634349646802780160/7-letters-2021-edition-complete-1663-this)
> 
> as always lemme know what you think. and ok i pwomise this is ACTUALLY over now.....

**Author's Note:**

> [ if you would like to reblog on tumblr that would be very kind<3 ](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/632321585446027264/7-letters)
> 
> i wrote this whilst i was writing my other fic! but this is a one shot so i trundled along slowly with it and it is now finished! i hope you enjoy. I like 2 write dialogue more than most things, and i know this wasn't technically dialogue but.... close enough. also sorry if timelines were a bit off, but i didn't include dates for that reason lol :P
> 
> No beta, so sorry for any mistakes ! (any glaring ones please let me know!)


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